I Miss Him

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Even after eight weeks it is still so hard to believe that I will never see or talk to Martin again.  It still seems so unreal, but yet I know this is my life now.  I know the pain and heartache will lessen overtime, but this still feels so new, so unexpected, and so unfair.  Today I had one of those "I am REALLY  missing Martin" days.   As I contemplated  why I was missing him so much I quickly found the answer... there truly is just so much to miss about him.  


I miss his laugh.

I miss his smile.

I miss his voice.

I miss how is eyes would light up when he was super happy or excited. 

I miss him making Elsie and Graeme laugh.

I miss him being a silly and fun papa.

I miss watching him read a book with Elsie. 

I miss him being adorkable. 

I miss him being a goofball.

I miss his hugs and kisses.

I miss holding his hand. 

I miss the I love you’s. 

I miss him telling me I am doing that “beautiful thing.” 

I miss his texts.

I miss sending him texts especially pictures of Elsie and Graeme so he could see what they were up to while he was at work.

I miss his random emails during the day.

I miss his advice. 

I miss his out of the blue little surprises. 

I miss figuring out parenting with him.

I miss him telling me what an amazing mom I am.

I miss his work stories. (He was so passionate about his job). 

I miss hearing him rock out on one of his many guitars. (He has way too many)

I miss watching and talking sports with him. (Liverpool won today and I know he would have been so excited, but of course would have had his commentary about the match as well). 

I miss talking about our future together. 

I miss my teammate and the love of my life.  


Missing someone you love is extremely difficult. Yes, I have these amazing memories to hold onto and think about when I am missing him. Yes, I  can't help but laugh and smile when I think about him.  Yes, I feel sad that my life with Martin is now only a memory.  Yes, I will share all these memories with Elsie and Graeme so that they will know who their Papa was. Yes, it breaks my heart that they won’t have memories of their own to turn to when they are missing him (Elsie will have her second birthday, but Graeme will only have stories).  Yes, I am so grateful that I have Elsie and Graeme to remind me of Martin  and just how BLESSED I am.  Yes, I miss him, but I  take comfort in knowing that a part of him will always be with me as I move forward with my life without him. Yes, I will always miss him. 


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