Happy Anniversary

October 18th will always be a joyous day for me, but of course now it will also have moments of sadness.  This past Sunday I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with Martin up in heaven.  I am not going to lie,  it was a very difficult day filled with many different emotions.  But, as difficult as it was celebrating the day without Martin, there was also a lot of joyous moments throughout the day.  

Martin loved celebrating our anniversary.  He always would figure out what year it was, and come up with the most creative and thoughtful gifts possible.  He would always plan some special dinner that he would keep secret until the day of our anniversary.  He always loved surprising me and making me feel so special.  Of course, I missed all of that this past Sunday.  I also couldn't help but wonder what would he would have gotten me since the traditional six year anniversary gift is iron.   A few weeks ago out of curiosity I looked at different gift ideas with iron that I would have possibly gotten him (he inspired me to get traditional gift as well...I think I failed one year when it was linen).  As I was looking up traditional six year anniversary gifts I came across the explanation as to what iron represents and I found it so fitting considering this was our first anniversary apart.  Iron represents the strength of a loving bond.   As I looked at that tears filled my eyes.  Our bond is strong...it was strong when he is was fighting for his life in the hospital, and remains strong even in death.  The one thing I know for certain is that Martin loved me so much.  

I constantly think about the last time I talked to him two days before his death.  At the time I had no idea that would be our last interaction, I thought he was on the road to recovery.  As painful as it is for me to think about I can still vividly remember  the words I said that made him squeeze the nurses hand even though he was heavily sedated.  "I love you baby, I would do it all over again. Now Forever Always."  Martin knew I loved him, he knew our love was strong, and he knew it would last forever even if he was no longer here with me anymore.  Iron totally represent us and our love.  I know that no matter what life brings our love for each other will always be there.  We created two amazing kids that are a piece of him and a daily reminder of how much we loved each other.  Yes, Sunday had a lot of tears, both happy and sad, but it also had a lot of love and laughter.  

These are some of the pictures I looked at on Sunday to remember our special day six years ago.  I would still do it all over again, even if I knew I would lose him.