Papa's Not Coming Home

You know what one of the most difficult things about this whole experience is?  Explaining that Papa couldn't get better and he is now up in Heaven to a 2 year old.  It took me a few days to figure out what I wanted to say and how I would break the news to her.  After all Elsie was such a Daddy's Girl and they truly were best buddies.  Thankfully, I had a lot of support and advice from people about what to say to her, the best was  "She is 2, you can't mess this up."  Knowing that made breaking the news somewhat easier.   So what did I tell her?  I told her that Papa was sick (she knew that she heard him coughing a lot) and that he couldn't get better because his body was too broken, so now he is up in Heaven and in our hearts.  Of course, this conversation had to be repeated many times, but each time we talk about why Papa isn't here Elsie definitely understands the situation more and more.  I have heard her tell people that Papa was sick and couldn't get better and now he's in Heaven.  I feel at this moment in time that is all she needs to know.  I know one day  when she is a little bit older she will have a many more questions I will be as ready as I can be to answer them.  

Elsie understands the most important part of all this and that is that Papa is not coming home. In her own two year old ways she lets me know she understands.  I love when she calls Papa on her pretend phone and tells him what is happening.  She sometimes grabs a picture of Papa and talks about him and gives the picture a great big hug and kiss.  Every night at bedtime she grabs the photo she has of all of us and gives Papa a kiss and says goodnight to him in Heaven.  When she sees the bowl she mixed her birthday cake in with Martin she talks about her Birthday and all about Papa.   Yes, telling her Papa isn't coming home was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but it was probably also one of the most important things I have ever had to do as her Mama.  

Don't get me wrong, Elsie has had a bit of a difficult time with our immense life change.  Elsie is a sweet and happy little girl, but of course I have noticed more sadness inside of her the past couple of months.  She has moments when she gets super quiet and just stares into space.  I know she is obviously missing her Papa, and those moments break my heart.  As much as they are painful to see (you want your kids to be happy) I know giving her time to be sad is what she needs.   But every time she has one of these sad moments right after she immediately wants to talk about Martin.  I know she is grieving too in her own way, and I know it is so important fo me to let her feel what she needs to feel.  I also think it is so important to let her talk about him as much as possible.  This week, when I have been asking her how she is feeling she replies"Elsie is happy!" This means so much to me.  I know she is still going to have those sad moments (I know I still do), but to know she understands when she is feeling happy and see her express that is amazing.  I am one proud Mama.  As difficult as all of this has been for us as a family we are together, and it is moments like "Elsie is happy!" that makes me realize we are going to get through this together and be HAPPY!