Heartbroken and Frustration

Last night when I read that Nick Cordero lost his battle with COVID after over 90 days, I couldn't help but feel sick.  My heart broke for  Amanda Kloots and their son Elvis.  I have never  met either one of them but I could feel her pain and grief immediately.  It also brought me back to the night I found out Martin lost his battle with COVID.  The shock and disbelief as you know your life is never going to be the same again.  That the person you thought you were going to do life with is no longer here, but yet you have to find the strength to continue on for yourself and little ones.  Needless to say last night was a horrible night for me.  

As I sat in my living room thinking about both Amanda and Elvis, I felt the need to write to her and let her know that she is not alone in this.  That other people like me know exactly what she is going through, that we are now somehow connected because of the current circumstances life has thrown at us  (losing your love to COVID and being left to raise young children without them).  I do hope one day she will read my letter, and feel supported and loved by a complete stranger.  I know after I lost Martin someone who had experienced a loss like mine wrote to me and it truly meant so much to me.   As I read her letter I knew I wasn't alone in this and I still read her letter when I am having a rough day.   It gives me comfort to know that there are people out there that understand my loss better than anyone else.  As I have mentioned before losing someone to COVID is just so different.  Amanda got one thing I never did which was being able to see Nick in the hospital and to be there by his side when he left this world(I will always wish I had that). However, one thing we definitely do share are the ups and downs of everyday. The hope that they will recover and come home along with the difficult news that they might not make it.  So I hope one day she reads my letter and know that I am here if she ever needs to vent or talk to someone who truly understands.  

As my heart broke for Amanda and Elvis I also couldn't help but feel a little frustrated as well.  I don't want to sound self-centered or selfish, but I want to share my feelings and be honest with how I am feeling and why.  I was frustrated as I read and saw so many articles about him losing his life to complication from COVID.  I couldn't help but think.  "Why is his story being shared more than Martin's?"  I know Nick Cordero is more famous than Martin, but in my mind I don't feel like his story is more important than Martin or any other person who lost their life to COVID. Martin fought hard (not as long but just as hard), Martin left behind a two year old and 5 month old, Martin was a healthcare worker on the frontlines in the early days of COVID and contracted the virus, Martin was young, just 44 years old, and so I ask again why isn't his story important enough for the world to know about?  So that is why I felt frustrated, I just feel everyone who has died from this horrible virus should be front page news, because they were also so important to so many. This is why I want to try and share Martin's story as much as a possibly can.  I  truly feel his story should be told, especially since he was a healthcare worker who worked on the frontlines.  His story matters just as much as Nick Cordero's. So yes, I can feel frustrated, but that doesn't make me feel any less heartbroken for Amanda and Elvis and it doesn't stop me from understanding and feeling the pain they are experiencing right now.  I know our experiences with COVID  connects us, and I hope one day we can both share our stories with one another, not only about our amazing husbands, but our story of life after COVID took them away from us way too soon.