It's the Little Things

Lately I find that the small things in life bring so much joy and happiness into my life.  I think since Martin's death I tend to value the little things in life even more than I ever had.    This past week I had many of those special little moments that put a smile on my face and are undoubtedly helping me heal.  

The other night when Elsie and I were done reading her three books she picked out, I looked at her and told her it was time to say goodnight the her "friends" aka her stuffed animals (it was something Martin had started and I have continued).  She looked back at me and proceeded to get in her kneeling position on her chair, her way of saying "Mama, we have to pray first."  It took me a second to realize that I had forgotten that part of our nightly routine, but when I realized what she was doing I couldn't help but smile, and of course I thought about how proud Martin would have been of his little girl.  I could visual his proud Papa smile, and in that moment I didn't feel sad, but was sharing a proud moment with him from afar.  Something so simple yet so powerful.

That same night, as I was boiling water to make Elsie dinner, she was in the kitchen watching Gammie feed Graeme.  While she was patiently waiting for her pasta dinner to be ready, she started to once again talk about her birthday.  Within moments she was mentioning her Papa and how he sang "Happy Birthday" to her and then she pointed to the special birthday pin he had bought for her.  Sure enough seconds later she was mentioning her Papa again.  She just loves remembering and talking about her birthday, and I just love seeing how happy it makes her.  To see her so happy, reminds me that we are going to get through this difficult time.  We will each have special memories of Martin that will make us happy and smile.  I will always be happy and smile when she talks about her special birthday with her Papa.  

Grame is getting closer and closer to crawling.  As I watched him this week maneuver his legs into the crawling position and use his strength to move his body from side to side I thought about how excited Martin would have been.  He always enjoyed watching how our kids were developing, and enjoyed the milestones each one of them reached.  Sounds silly, but I looked over to where Martin usually sat in the living room as Graeme accomplished something so awesome, and just smiled.  I know there are going to be a lot of moments like that, and without a doubt I will always think about Martin and his smiling Papa face.  

Elsie has been such an amazing BIG SISTER from day one.  Martin always enjoyed watching her with Graeme, and seeing how much she loves him and takes care of him.  This week I have definitely seen Elsie enjoy yet another aspect of being a big sister.  This past week she has gotten really good at feeding Graeme his puffs (she likes eating them too).  It is nice to see them sharing a snack and she has mastered how to give Graeme a puff so he can grab it and put it into his mouth.  She is also really good at making sure he has finished the one puff before handing him another. This was just another small thing that made my heart skip a beat and smile this week. Honestly, the brother sister moments are some of the best. Of course, I wish Martin was here to share them with me, but I know he is looking from above and enjoying every single moment with me.  

Tonight, I was trying to get rid of some empty boxes behind the tool shed to make more storage room.  As I moved one box I uncovered a box with an electric guitar, as I got closer  I noticed that not only was there one electric guitar in the box, but 2.  When I read the box I saw that these particular electric guitars are made for kids.  Martin had obviously bought one for Graeme(red) and one for Elsie(pink) and hid them.  Discovering them tonight made me so happy.  It made me think about Martin and how he always had all these amazing gift ideas to make people feel special.  He obviously at some point was going to give these guitars to Elsie and Graeme, and as I put them away I thought about how nice it will be when one day I will wrap those guitars up and give them to Elsie and Graeme and tell them it was a gift that their Papa bought them when they were little.  How can you not feel happy and want to smile?  

Yes, Martin not being here is still so difficult and at times still hard to believe, but it are these moments that continue to light the way, and bring us joy.  In thinking about it, I feel the little things in life have just become the bigger things in life, now that Martin is no longer with us.  His death has taught me to value even the littlest moments.  In this world you truly can't take a moment for granted.