Thoughtless and Insensitive Words

 “Don’t be afraid of Covid.” When I read that, my heart sank, and tears filled my eyes.  How could someone say that?  Over 200,000 Americans have died due to complications from Covid.  My amazing husband and Elsie and Graeme's loving Papa died because of this horrible virus that you say don't be afraid of.  Well, I am in complete disagreement, you should fear this virus it is deadly and frankly it doesn't care who you are.  Martin was only 44 years old, he was healthy, and had his whole life ahead of him.  Our future together with our children was taken away all because of this DEADLY  virus.  

As I read that tweet, memories flooded my mind...the memories that I try not to think about often because they are deeply painful and cause a lot of grief. But let me paint a picture as to why you should fear this virus.   One of the last texts I received from Martin before he was intubated was when he told me how scared he was and how he wanted to be home with us.  When I think about those texts my heartbreaks, because I know he was scared and you know what, I want him home with us right now.  I want to wake up from this nightmare that Covid has caused and have him here where he belongs.  But unfortunately, this is my reality... a life without him all because of this virus.   What haunts me the most to his day is the question that Martin asked me during our last text conversation we would ever have  "Babe, what if I don't make it?"  My husband was afraid and he had every reason to be.  He knew how sick he was because of this virus and he knew there was a chance that he might not come home to us, even though he wanted to with all his heart. I  cannot even put into words how scared and frightened I was from the time he started to feel sick at the end of March to the moment I received the call that forever changed my life the evening of April 29th.  After April 3rd I never saw my husband again, I didn't get to be by his side while he fought so hard to beat this virus, I didn't get to say goodbye, and he died without us by his side.  During that 26 day period Martin was in the hospital I was not only filled with fear with each phone call I made or received from the hospital, but I also constantly worried that that Elsie, Graeme, or I might contract the virus and become severely ill. So as a person who has truly experienced the rollercoaster ride of Covid, you should be afraid and be cautious because this virus can truly be deadly to anyone.  

If Martin did survive and saw such an insensitive  tweet he would be so angry,  just like I am.  I lost the love of my life, I am still grieving and trying to adjust to my new normal, and let me tell you it isn't easy.  I feel that every time I see an insensitive comment from someone downplaying the seriousness of this virus or see a comment that questions a Covid victims cause of death it makes my grief even stronger.  Let me be clear on this for anyone who is at all confused.  Martin died from complications from Covid.  This means (if you are still confused) if he never contracted the virus he would not have had those complications that caused his death and he would still be here with his family.   So just please stop because grieving families don't need to hear it, we are trying to heal, and all these negative and insensitive comments only  reopen our wounds.