People Come Into Your Life for a Reason

I am going to start by quoting some lyrics from one of my favorite Broadway Musicals, Wicked.  

Kristina definitely came into my life for a reason.  Words cannot express how grateful I am that she did come into my life at the perfect moment...when I needed her the most.  Since entering my life she has taught me so much and has played a huge role in the person that I am today.  

When Martin was battling Covid, I felt so alone.  Not because I was in isolation, but because I was the only one I knew that had someone fighting Covid.  I cannot tell you how hard that was for me.  When Martin lost his life to Covid, that feeling of loneliness only intensified.  I truly felt that I was the only young person with young kids going through this type of loss.  I believed that no one would ever truly understand the emotional rollercoaster I went through the 26 days he fought for his life in the hospital.  I thought no-one would ever understand  the indescribable pain that I felt because I didn't get the opportunity to be with the person I loved as he fought for his life nor did I get the chance to say goodbye.  

I have said it before and I will say it again; Losing someone to Covid is a different type of loss and has so many extra layers of grief and trauma that you need to process in order to move forward with life.  Unless you have been through it, you truly can't comprehend the pain and heartache you feel in losing your  teammate.  So there I was a brand new widow who thought I was absolutely alone.  That was until I received a beautiful and life changing card in the mail from Kristina, another Covid Widow.  With each sentence I read, the heaviness   that I had been feeling lessened.   I was not alone, she understood what I had been through and what I was going through, she was and still is grieving the same loss as me, and most of all she is also a mommy of two young kids trying to figure out the "new" normal.   

As I put her card down with tears in my eyes.  I knew that when I was ready, like she said in her card, that I would contact her.  Within a month of receiving her card I texted her on and off when I was having a bad day or had a simple question about everyday life.  When I was having a bad day...hearing her positivity and just the fact that she was having a good day, gave me both hope and comfort knowing that I too would soon find that same positivity and that more good days were ahead of me.  Since May/June our on and off conversations have now become daily. We discuss our solo parenting successes and struggles.  We share our good days and the bad days that sneak up on us at times.  We share pictures of our kids doing something silly, cute, or amazing.  We share our frustrations, worries, and joys.  We share little stories about our husbands and know that if they had met they probably would have become friends because they share many similarities.  We are now and forever will be part of each other's lives because of the loss we endured.  We look forward to the day when we can give each other a hug and meet in person, while our kids play and laugh together.  We discuss how lucky we feel that our kids are already connected and will be friends for life because of their unimaginable loss.  

I will always be grateful to Kristina for sending me that beautiful card.  It was her card that became the inspiration for creating the Young Widows and Widowers of Covid-19 Facebook Group in November.  It was our bond and  friendship that made it so easy to ask her to become the other Administrator of the group.  It has been so valuable to have her by my side as we embarked on this journey of helping others in the exact situation find the strength, comfort, support, and connections that they need so they never feel that they are alone in their grief.  

Kristina definitely came into my life for a reason.  We are in this together for life, and we will continue to do great things to honor our husbands, teach our children about strength and resilience, to help others struggling with loss and grief, and most of all just be there for each other.