Live Laugh Love & Heartache

Martin truly touched the lives of many. Today I was given the opportunity to share a few words about Martin at a Memorial Mass organized by Catholic Charities, Diocese of Paterson, an organization where Martin volunteered. Yet again I could see what an impact he had. Martin continues to amaze me, and moments like these bring me so much joy. I am so proud of him, and even prouder to be his wife.   It was truly a very special day for me in so many ways. The most memorable moment was right after I spoke. I had just sat down in my seat and the priest began to conclude the mass. Suddenly, this strong gust of wind came out of nowhere and leaves began to fall all around me. In that moment I knew Martin was there with me, giving me a hug from Heaven.  A little surprise from Martin at the perfect time. I then looked up at trees swaying, smiled, and whispered "I love you too babe. Now, Forever, Always." Here are my words about Martin that I shared with everyone today. Thank

October 18th will always be a joyous day for me, but of course now it will also have moments of sadness.  This past Sunday I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with Martin up in heaven.  I am not going to lie,  it was a very difficult day filled with many different emotions.  But, as difficult as it was celebrating the day without Martin, there was also a lot of joyous moments throughout the day.   Martin loved celebrating our anniversary.  He always would figure out what year it was, and come up with the most creative and thoughtful gifts possible.  He would always plan some special dinner that he would keep secret until the day of our anniversary.  He always loved surprising me and making me feel so special.  Of course, I missed all of that this past Sunday.  I also couldn't help but wonder what would he would have gotten me since the traditional six year anniversary gift is iron.   A few weeks ago out of curiosity I looked at different gift ideas with iron that I would have

 "I have to tell you something but I want to look into your eyes." Martin got up from the couch and walked to the light so he could turn it on.  As my eyes adjusted to the brightness Martin walked back to the couch, kneeled beside me, smiled, and said "I LOVE YOU."  I looked at him and said "I LOVE YOU TOO."  Seven years ago that was our first I LOVE YOU, I still remember it like it was yesterday.  I remember how natural it was to tell him that I loved him.  I remember how happy I was as we embraced and kissed.   I remember his amazing smile and the sparkle in his eyes.  I remember how perfect and memorable he made that incredibly special moment.  October 14th will always be special to me and our love story.  I will never stop loving him no matter where life takes me. Martin and our love will have a place in my heart for the rest of my life.  I am so grateful for the time I had with him, and I am even more grateful that the last time I FaceTimed with him i

Life was so different a year. ago, and I just wish I could close my eyes and travel back in time to happier times.  Martin and I were just three weeks away from welcoming our second child into this world.  We had just enjoyed a wonderful visit from Martin's father who made his yearly visit to the states from the U.K.  We were enjoying the last few weeks as a family of three.  We were getting ready to celebrate five years of marriage.  A year ago we were filled with happiness, excitement, and most of all love.   Presently, I am still trying to heal from the pain of losing Martin so tragically and unexpectedly to Covid.  I am still adjusting to my new life as a single mommy to two young children.  I am trying to help Elsie heal from her wounds of losing her Papa and help her understand what death means (Papa is not coming home, because his body broke and now he is in Heaven).  I am trying to move forward with my life, but some people's words, actions, and attitudes about Covid al

  “Don’t be afraid of Covid.” When I read that, my heart sank, and tears filled my eyes.  How could someone say that?  Over 200,000 Americans have died due to complications from Covid.  My amazing husband and Elsie and Graeme's loving Papa died because of this horrible virus that you say don't be afraid of.  Well, I am in complete disagreement, you should fear this virus it is deadly and frankly it doesn't care who you are.  Martin was only 44 years old, he was healthy, and had his whole life ahead of him.  Our future together with our children was taken away all because of this DEADLY  virus.   As I read that tweet, memories flooded my mind...the memories that I try not to think about often because they are deeply painful and cause a lot of grief. But let me paint a picture as to why you should fear this virus.   One of the last texts I received from Martin before he was intubated was when he told me how scared he was and how he wanted to be home with us.  When I think abo